The Freak

Last night I stayed up way too long again despite the fact that I was very tired. Why? Last episode (692/692) of "Prisoner(: Cell Block H)" or in Swedish - Kvinnofängelset ("the womenprison", kind of). An australian show that originally ran from 1979-1987. A b-series really. It has been showed twice in Sweden, always late at night. It has recived a sort of cult status amongst the weirdos who watches it. It's so bad it's actually good. But it's not bad just like the ordinary shitty soaps, it has something. Selfirony and some kind of deeper stuff to sometimes. Anyway, Joan Ferguson - the Freak, is the show. The evil screw who is a very lonely dyke. She is so great, and lately she has been kind of human too. But now she finally got what she really deserved, once and for all. Oh, I hope they'll show it from the beginning, but maybe not so late at night (even if that's half the point.) I remember watching it late (but not that late)at friday- or saturdaynights, if i was home, when i was around 15-16. And then since when they started to show it again a couple of years ago I've watched it from times to times. It sure has something, in some absurd way. Haha. Ferguson/the Freak/Fergo, Queen Bea, Judy, Maxie, Lexie, Bobbie, Anne/Mrs. Reynolds/Renno, Lizzie, Myra, Rita, Cass, Meg/Mrs Morris...

Let the sunshine in

I'm sitting here listening to Kristofer Åström's Loupita, lovely. Britta's backing vocals are great, like at Idiot Talk or The Wild. The sun has been shining today and that was even more lovely. When I finally made it outside it was almost setting, but that's another story. A story about my laziness lately. Woke up around eight this morning, by an sms from Hanna. Turned on the TV and watched Hovet perform their first single. It isn't much more than ok really but it was fun to see them, and especially enjoying the lovely Anna's voice.

Så som i himmelen

I just got home from the cinema. Saw a great movie. A swedish one called Så som i himmelen. I don't think I will try to explain this right now because I just gave it a try while talking to my dutch friend and I made almost no sense, so. But it was a bout a conductor coming back to his childhood's village from a life as an international star. He wants to open people's hearts with his music, and eventually he starts working with the local church choir. All these people in this small village and what happens to them, kind of a classic theme. Still different though, and maybe a kind of religious undertone, yet not in the usual way. It's about daring, about love, about life and what to do about it. About living and being true to oneself. No, and it's not cheesy! Just when I thought that "this is just a little too much" it took another turn. And her voice...she has such a power in it. Her carachter's situation made me so angry. A woman, treated like shit by her husband. Abused. Made me draw parallells again. It can happen to anyone and I hate the fact that jealous men with control issues makes women feel so scared and worthless. So, now I've told you anyway...

Monday

Woke up around eight because they were moving the lawn outside my house. Thank you very much. I think that is something they do early monday mornings. Went to sleep again. Woke up at eleven. Snooze, snooze, snooze... Ten past twelve an sms about sushi for lunch. "Sure", I answered. Said I would be there in ten minutes. Yeah right... Time optimist strikes again. It takes almost ten minutes just to go there by bike, and I wasn't even dressed. Anyway, twenty minutes and I was there. Sushi for breakfast...brunch?

I'm sitting here listening to Anna Ternheim. Again. And I'm having some problems with getting company to the gig with her and Winnerbäck. The enthusiasts can't or doesn't want to. The others think it's too expensive. So, I'm working on it since I've allready payed for the tickets.

"By the end of the day
I'm left only with my godless mind
On my way home again "

Anyway, I'm going to be a good student this week and hand in the quantitative home exam and the paper about the social taste. I have too. Have to concentrate on the essay from now on. Oh, and that african studies thing, when will I ever have time to do that one?

Three

I think three people are reading this. I might be wrong. Maybe they had enough after the first post, haha.

So, currently I am tired and watching Sopranos. One of my neighbours decided to start drilling in the concrete wall a while ago. Nice project to start at ten in the evening. I am having problems hearing Carmela yelling at Tony.

Shit, I haven't done a thing today. Almost. I should maybe tidy the place up a little. And I will drop my danish friend a couple of lines.

Yeah.

Nostalgia

I found this picture. Haven't looked on it for a while. It was kind of strange, but mostly in a good way. It was fun. But it feels so long ago.

Some wine

So... Went to school around one to have a meeting to discuss the essay. I had handledning, and I haven't got the energy to find an English word. It doesn't really matter either. It went well anyway and I went home and did almost nothing for a couple of hours. Studied a little, talked to my mom on the phone about the new ministers in the government, ate a little and listened to some music. It started to rain heavily in time for my trip into town to watch some shortfilm. It's the international shortfilmfestival this week. So much film! So me and a friend thought that we at least should watch some of them. So we sacrificed a little bit of our sanity and got out in the pouring rain. All for some culture right? (We had allready bought the tickets). Some wine and a too expensive sandwich later we went to the films. It was pretty fun. One film was cancelled unfortunatly. But two were really good actually. When we stepped outside afterwards it had stopped raining and we went to have some more wine. I have really spent too much money this month, it kind of hurts when I think about it. But new month, new money (should be on my account right about now)...and new bills. Most of ot goes to pay bills.

I'm so sick on living on such a small amount of money. But it's just to realize that I'll probably never have much money. I'm studying sociology for fucks sake, haha! But a little more than those student loans would be good... Next semester will be even worse though...saved scholarship money. Extrajob? Ha! There are no jobs and I don't have the time if I'll be able to finish my degree. We have a good system in this country (with getting money and loans) compared to other countries, but it could still be better. The amount of money have been the same for like fifteen years or so, but it has gotten much more expensive to live. The rents have really gone up (and besides that it's really hard to find somewhere to live in the big university cities and in some of the fastgrowing smaller ones). Well, I'll be delivering some mail around christmas and I hope that I get that scholarship again. If I don't...well, Houston we have a problem.

Life

The last two days I have more than once been reminded of how fragile life is. Not up close though, thank god. Yesterday that eightyearold and the woman got stabbed to death in the street of a city a couple of hours from here. I know some people there a little. They still haven't catched the guy who did it. Last night a truck with a drunk driver went in the wrong direction on the motorway. In 110 km/h he hit another car. The car flew away into a field and the woman inside it died immediatly. Then the truck went on and hit another car, the young family (parents in my age and two small kids, the youngest not even a month old) inside it burnt to death. It happened pretty close to where I know some people and I found out that the woman in the first car was a friend's best friend's mother. My friend was very close to her. An accident is an accident, but drunk driving is so fucking unnecessary, respectless and cruel!

But I actually had a pretty good day despite this and the fact that I didn't got any time to study because I slept too late. I had lunch with a friend and later another friend came to visit and we had dinner with a third friend and later the two of us went to a really great gig at a really nice place.

Goodnight!

Another day

Another day has passed by. While I was still sleeping early this morning, on the street of another city an eight year old boy and a middleaged woman was brutally killed by a maniac with a knife. The police has still not found him.

This is certainly not the first time I am using the english language, but it's different to write a diary/journal like this. It's just better in Swedish, more personal. The english language has got a great deal of nuances and a lot of expressions that I like and that feels easy to use, but a personal text like this still kind of misses some nuances. Nuances that is missing because this language isn't really mine. References that I can't really use. I'm not complaining, I'm just...well maybe complaining a little.

It is really fall now. I was talking about the yellow leaves yesterday, but today I saw the first police control. They are checking the students' bikes for lights. It's really expensive to not have lights on the bike. It's kind of a sport to avoid the controls. Lights are important, but you know...my light doesn't work when it's really cold in the winter or when too much snow gets stuck around the wheels. And right now my back light doesn't work. I should get it fixed, I know. But today I was just happy that I had decided to take a walk into town.

I am tired now, and I got distracted.

Tired

The rain is pouring down. I took the shortcut through the old cemetary today. I don't really know if it is a shortcut though, not if I have my bike. It goes quicker to go by bike around it than to walk through it. But nevermind. I like to walk there. It's just so beautiful, especially in the summer and fall. Today it was almost just yeallow leaves, that means that all the leaves will be gone soon. Even the ones on the ground. And then we have this boring weather for several months. Some snow will hopefully light things up in December...but eventually it'll be all slushy. I hate slush. I hate to get my shoes wet.

Where did this night disappear? I had plans on writing that fucking paper I should have finished two weeks ago, and I actually thought that I would get some time to check the SPSS outputs. I think I will just take a shower and then go to bed, maybe read a little. I love hot showers. It's kind of meditative (is that even a word?) and good for thoughts. And then it just feels good. The bad part is that I'm going to stand here at a point where I should allready be sleeping, drying my hair. I need a haircut. I need to shutup.

Why?

So, here we go... The usual explanation to why. Why the creation of this? Well, I really don't know. I like to read other peopel's journals (eh, the public ones of course) and I like to write. I allready write journals at some other places from time to time. Communities that is. This might be a way to get rid of some of them.

And then...I was actually going to be a good student today. I really had to. But then, all of a sudden things like this seems much more important. I learned a new english word a while ago; procrastinate. Though I don't think I knew it before, I'm really familiar with it. If you know what I mean...

Once upon a time I wanted a homepage, but I'm not too good at, or interested in the programming part of it. So, communities and stuff like this functions like some kind of substitutes. And...I like that one can post photos. I'm planning on getting a digital camera for Christmas (or birthday, whatever). And I always promise myself that I will take better care of my photo interest.

So, why the English then? Ehh, I don't know who will be reading this yet. Since I write in Swedish in other places it could be fun to do it different this time. It opens up different opportunities. It also gives me a kind of a narcissistic and pathetic feeling actually.
We'll see what happens. In this very moment no one else besides me actually know it exists. Maybe that is for the better?

Anyway, this was my first rant and welcome to the freakshow. Not the totally freaked out kind though. In that case you'll get disappointed. But I'm not here to please you.